Change.

Sometimes life changes… and it will never, ever, ever be the same. Sometimes you yourself makes the change, and other times, life makes them for you. For the past 22 days, I have been participating in the “What’s I’m Thankful For” status update trend on Facebook. I have a lot to be thankful for, and 31 days in November would not even begin to cover them all. However, if we’re being honest (which I believe is the best policy), I have been fearfully and awkwardly dreading today’s “thankful” holiday for months now. My mind told me I had so much to be thankful for today, but my heart was sad and for a few seconds, ungrateful. Yes, I’m still grieving the loss of my Nannie, and I’m still publicly talking about it, and I’ve been told that it’s okay. And with every experience, life event and holiday that happens for the first time without her, it is going to be sad. Awkward. Different. Never the same. Today looked totally different than the past 26 years of my life and quite frankly I wanted to throw myself a little pity party. Maybe I even did for a few minutes, and then pulled myself back together. I decided that even though things will never be the same, and I can never have back those exact moments of holidays past, I can keep them in my heart and carry on the traditions and love that my memories are made of. It might look different, but the intentions and love are the same, if not more. Today I sat at the “adult” table at Thanksgiving dinner for the first time ever. I made shells and cheese because that’s what she would have fixed just for me. Nate sat beside me at the dinner table—last year, his first time there and this year, the beginning of many more. Life changes. Is it hard? Yes. Is it sad? Yes. But because of God’s promises and hope, I can still be thankful, even through change.

One Year Later.

Hello there. One of my loyal blog readers/stalkers (a.k.a. my mom) notified me today that it has been an ENTIRE YEAR since I last posted on here. 12 whole months. 365 days. I thought she was joking at first but indeed, I looked at the date, and on October 31, 2011, I told you about a busy summer and fall at work, that my Nannie had been diagnosed with cancer and that there was a new guy in my life. Wow, how life can change in a year. Without this being the longest blog post ever, I will sum up that 2012 has thus far been a year of both joy and sadness, change, leaps of faith, love, and learning more about myself-- who I want to be, and who God created me to be. At the beginning of April, that guy I mentioned moved 429 miles to be with me in Kentucky. And, he's going to be my HUSBAND! (insert gasp here!) I know, sometimes I can't believe it either. Nate and I met at a wedding, and now we're going to have one of our own. I can't even begin to write down what a blessing he is to me, and how oh so very good he loves, cares for and protects me. At the beginning of May, my Nannie left her earthly home to go on to her heavenly home. It'll be 6 months tomorrow since she's been gone, and it still doesn't seem like its reality. I was blessed with all 4 of my grandparents for 27 years, and even though it seems like that as this age, I should have encountered a close loss like this before now, I had never experienced anything quite like this. I miss her. Sometimes I randomly start crying when something reminds me of her. "They" say it's part of the process… and so the process continues. At the end of May, I transferred job locations. To some it may have appeared as a "no brainer" decision, but I can honestly say it was a decision that had much consideration and thought. I'd spent 4 years getting to know a community of people, who took in an "outsider" and all of her ideas and initiatives, and supported all of them. I made a lot of lifelong friendships in that town but it was time to move on to an opportunity I had worked very hard for. In July, Nate and I got engaged. It was a day I'd dreamed of and prayed for. Being engaged and planning a wedding is fun, but what's going to be more fun is getting to spend every day with this guy! Since then, I have been busy settling into my new job, looking for housing, picking out the perfect shades of yellow and gray for the wedding, and learning to serve others more. I took a trip to the beach with the family, and went to Florida for a work trip. My ZUMBA endeavors took a different turn for now and some of my crafting hobbies have become somewhat of a small business. I promise to try to write more before next Halloween…. What have you been up to this year? Much love to you all! -j.