Change.

Sometimes life changes… and it will never, ever, ever be the same. Sometimes you yourself makes the change, and other times, life makes them for you. For the past 22 days, I have been participating in the “What’s I’m Thankful For” status update trend on Facebook. I have a lot to be thankful for, and 31 days in November would not even begin to cover them all. However, if we’re being honest (which I believe is the best policy), I have been fearfully and awkwardly dreading today’s “thankful” holiday for months now. My mind told me I had so much to be thankful for today, but my heart was sad and for a few seconds, ungrateful. Yes, I’m still grieving the loss of my Nannie, and I’m still publicly talking about it, and I’ve been told that it’s okay. And with every experience, life event and holiday that happens for the first time without her, it is going to be sad. Awkward. Different. Never the same. Today looked totally different than the past 26 years of my life and quite frankly I wanted to throw myself a little pity party. Maybe I even did for a few minutes, and then pulled myself back together. I decided that even though things will never be the same, and I can never have back those exact moments of holidays past, I can keep them in my heart and carry on the traditions and love that my memories are made of. It might look different, but the intentions and love are the same, if not more. Today I sat at the “adult” table at Thanksgiving dinner for the first time ever. I made shells and cheese because that’s what she would have fixed just for me. Nate sat beside me at the dinner table—last year, his first time there and this year, the beginning of many more. Life changes. Is it hard? Yes. Is it sad? Yes. But because of God’s promises and hope, I can still be thankful, even through change.